Toots and Veggies

I was laying down with Hayley when I smelled... stink.
Me: "Hayley, did you fart?"
Hayley: (grinning) "Yeah."
Me: "Well keep your stinky butt under the covers!"
Hayley: "That's my name! Stinky Butt Hayley!"
No shame, apparently.

When asking Hayley what kind of ice cream she wanted:
Hayley: "How about peach?"
Me: "They don't have peach." (And when did you eat peach ice cream?)
Hayley: "Okay, how about carrot?"
Me: "They don't have carrot. That would be gross."
Hayley: "Whatever, that would be good!"
The girl does like carrots, but ick!
I don't even remember what she actually got to eat.

Pessimism (Consider Yourself Warned!)

Just a few things I've had on my mind... And since I'd never actually write these notes to these people, I'm posting them here.

Dear Doctor with Bad Bedside Manner (Thankfully, Not My Normal Doctor),
Just in case you didn't realize, I'm not dumb. Actually, I'm a pretty intelligent person. You don't have to ask me after every single thing you say, "Do you understand that?" Uh, yes, because I'm not an idiot. Plus, I know how to Google just fine thank you.

Dear Sweeper Who is Supposed to Clean my Classroom Daily,
When there are sprinkles on the back counter, and stickiness in my sink, obviously, you didn't clean. Who do you think you are kidding? Also, as a common courtesy, if you are going to unplug my stuff, plug it back in.

Dear Safety Patrol Sixth Graders,
I understand you are twelve years old, but I am not your mother, and this is not your room. Please pick up your crap you leave on the floor in the hallway every day. And while you're at it, go keep us safe at your post. I don't want to hear you try to flirt with your flavor of the week.

Dear Students Who are Getting on my Nerves,
Thank you for not being in my class. Please stop injuring other teachers who are my friends. They would like to keep all of their toenails, thank you very much. Also, stop being a sassyfrass, and make better choices, or next time I will keep you in Think Time for longer than ten minutes. (Keep in mind this may be for your own safety, so your teacher doesn't smack you. Like sometimes I want to.)

Dear Parents of Students in my Class,
Thanks for keeping your child home when they have Swine Flu. (Miraculously, I am actually being serious on this one.) Also, my students should probably thank you, because when I have EIGHT students absent, I feel like it's not even worth it to assign any real work.

Okay, rant over. Back to the normally scheduled posting...

Happy Father's Day!

No real story here, just a picture of Jeremy and Hayley and her construction paper creation from preschool (it's a toolbox) that was too cute not to share!

Here's what else he got, because it really looked just like him and Hayley (okay, except that they have faces), and I couldn't resist:

Happy Father's Day, Jer! Thanks for being such a cute, fun dad!

Next Year

I've been debating on sharing these or not, but they are seriously too dang funny not to pass along. These are some stories about my "darling student" in my class next year, courtesy of his teacher from this year:

So, this kid has just a little stub of his pencil left. So what does he do with it? He eats it! His teacher tells him, "We don't eat pencils! That's not good for you!" which, is something even a teacher would think you would never have to say. This is his reply, "Oh, it's okay teacher. I've been stabbing myself with my pencil for the last few months to build up a lead tolerance. I'll be fine." Seriously?!

And just when you think it can't get any better, here's another one. Yes, this is the same student.

After being gone in the bathroom for a long time, the teacher goes looking for the student. She can hear him before she finds him, because he is singing in the boys bathroom. So she goes in (yes, into the boys bathroom) to tell him to finish up and get out, and sees that all his clothes, including his moon boots, Napoleon Dynamite style, are on the ground. That's right, he's totally in the buff, singing, while he's been doing his business. For over twenty minutes. After he got dressed and came out, the teacher asked him why all of his clothes were on the ground. His reply? "I had to take them off, because I was getting all sweaty from complications."

Honestly, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. At least I'll have more good stories to share in the year to come!

Snakes, Snails, Puppy Dog Tails, and Cute Clothes!

Thanks to Jeremy's mom Diane and sister Kim for giving me such a fun shower last weekend!

Here's the loot:

So excited for this little boy bundle of joy!

Crazy...Just ask her!

Me: "Hayley, you're kind of crazy."
Hayley: "You bet I am!"

Hayley: "I love Daddy, but I don't love his face."
Me: "What? That's not a nice thing to say."
Hayley: "Well, I don't love his face. I don't love his scruffies."
She's not too hip on the goatee, I guess.

"You gave me a fright!" (She got this one from Grandma Heidi.)

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but..." (Jeremy actually taught her to say this one.)

"That's not appropriate."

Hayley is getting to an age where she is noticing the differences between girls and boys.  After several walk ins, Jeremy has started locking the door when he goes in the bathroom.  So now Hayley will stand or knock at the door and yell to Jeremy, "Are you going to the bathroom?  Are you standing up?"

After going swimming, Hayley had this epiphany: "You know what spit and water make?  More spit!"

The other day, Grandpa Dame was teasing her and trying to get her to give him a kiss. To which she replied, "No! Stay!" Just as clarification, we don't own a dog.

"Look, Mom! This is my tallest finger!" (Jeremy swears he didn't teach her this one. Anyone else want to fess up? I have her convinced now that if she only puts one finger up, it will get lonely, so she now says, "This is my tallest finger and his friend!" Slightly better.)

This one is a little old, but I don't want to forget it. I say "All set!" a lot. Hayley caught onto it, which would have been fine, except that when she said it it totally sounded like "Oh, sh*t!" It sounds a little better now, but it was pretty funny before she could say all the sounds correctly.

Jeremy does the "How old are you?" quiz with Hayley a lot. I was surprised when I asked her the other day, and she replied "Three-and-a-half" not "Three." Then I realized it was true, she is almost three-and-a-half, and it made me kind of sad. My baby is growing up!

Preschool Shmeschool!

Hayley started preschool this past week. Since I know she had her own agenda in mind for so many things, I was prepared with something to encourage her to behave. As in, not cry. As in, go willingly. We took a trip to Target where Hayley picked out some "Preschool Prizes." She got to choose a prize if she went to preschool without crying. That's right, I'm not above bribing my child.

Monday was her first day. Because I work the "normal" schedule out of dear hubby and I, he was the one to drop her off, and then my mom picked her up. I called my mom to get the full report, and she said that Hayley's teacher said, "She was fantastic!" This made me a very happy mom and I quickly texted this to Jeremy:

"Just talked to my mom, and Hayley's preschool teacher said she was fantastic!"

His response?

"Except for the kicking and screaming fit that she threw for ten minutes before I could sneak out!"

Whoops. Guess the teacher "forgot" about that. Hayley did tell me that she had fun and she does know the letter R now, so the day wasn't a total wash. Too bad no preschool prize for Monday! And man, was she bummed.

Wednesday was a lot better. She gave my mom a hug and walked right in the door with no drama. Made for a happy kid who played with her new princess dolly for almost an hour. Which made for a happy mom who got to take a little nap on the couch!

Oh, yeah. And concerning my last post, after five needle sticks on Thursday, turns out I'm negative for gestational diabetes. And my iron is back to normal. Chalk it up to the pregnant lady overreacting. (That'd be me.)

Borderline... Feel Like I'm Going to Lose my Mind!

I'm going to go ahead and rant now, and some of it may be TMI. Just warning you.

For those of you who thought I got my fill of pregnancy drama with the Fifth's Disease scare, you can think again. Here's the latest:

Some of you know I've been battling my high blood pressure for most of this pregnancy. It stayed at the "we'll just keep an eye on it" (aka borderline) stage for a long time, until finally a couple weeks ago I got put on drugs to help it stabalize. Not the most comforting thing to a pregnant lady, but I figured if that's the only thing I have to worry about this pregnancy, it'll be okay. But that's not all I'm worrying about anymore...

Last Friday I went in for my glucose test, a harmless little test where you drink some sickening sugary orange soda, and have your blood taken an hour later. They also tested my blood for some other stuff. Results were in today, and I got told I have borderline low iron, and I'm borderline for gestational diabetes. The fixes? An iron supplement (constipation, anyone?) and, lucky me, I get to go in for a three hour glucose test on Thursday, where they draw my blood every half-hour to hour for three hours. That'll make at least five blood draws in the last four weeks, folks. My poor elbow-pits. I'm going to be looking a little like an addict with all my track marks.

On the bright side of things, my doctor told me that he will be inducing me at 37 weeks. That'll be August 6th, friends. Just knocked 21 days off my baby counter to the right.

While it makes me a little nervous to give birth to another baby that's not fully cooked (Hayley was born at 37 weeks 1 day, and she was just fine), I'm also okay with not having my most pregnant weeks coincide with the possibly hottest weeks of the year.

Now just pray for no bedrest before then. I love how they tell me every appointment to "Take it easy." Makes me want to reply with "Take my three-year-old for a few hours." Not that I don't love her, but she is three...

Anyway, woohoo for just two months (and a few days) to go!