Friday, June 26, 2009
Me: "Hayley, did you fart?"
Hayley: (grinning) "Yeah."
Me: "Well keep your stinky butt under the covers!"
Hayley: "That's my name! Stinky Butt Hayley!"
No shame, apparently.
When asking Hayley what kind of ice cream she wanted:
Hayley: "How about peach?"
Me: "They don't have peach." (And when did you eat peach ice cream?)
Hayley: "Okay, how about carrot?"
Me: "They don't have carrot. That would be gross."
Hayley: "Whatever, that would be good!"
The girl does like carrots, but ick!
I don't even remember what she actually got to eat.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Dear Doctor with Bad Bedside Manner (Thankfully, Not My Normal Doctor),
Just in case you didn't realize, I'm not dumb. Actually, I'm a pretty intelligent person. You don't have to ask me after every single thing you say, "Do you understand that?" Uh, yes, because I'm not an idiot. Plus, I know how to Google just fine thank you.
Dear Sweeper Who is Supposed to Clean my Classroom Daily,
When there are sprinkles on the back counter, and stickiness in my sink, obviously, you didn't clean. Who do you think you are kidding? Also, as a common courtesy, if you are going to unplug my stuff, plug it back in.
Dear Safety Patrol Sixth Graders,
I understand you are twelve years old, but I am not your mother, and this is not your room. Please pick up your crap you leave on the floor in the hallway every day. And while you're at it, go keep us safe at your post. I don't want to hear you try to flirt with your flavor of the week.
Dear Students Who are Getting on my Nerves,
Thank you for not being in my class. Please stop injuring other teachers who are my friends. They would like to keep all of their toenails, thank you very much. Also, stop being a sassyfrass, and make better choices, or next time I will keep you in Think Time for longer than ten minutes. (Keep in mind this may be for your own safety, so your teacher doesn't smack you. Like sometimes I want to.)
Dear Parents of Students in my Class,
Thanks for keeping your child home when they have Swine Flu. (Miraculously, I am actually being serious on this one.) Also, my students should probably thank you, because when I have EIGHT students absent, I feel like it's not even worth it to assign any real work.
Okay, rant over. Back to the normally scheduled posting...
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
So, this kid has just a little stub of his pencil left. So what does he do with it? He eats it! His teacher tells him, "We don't eat pencils! That's not good for you!" which, is something even a teacher would think you would never have to say. This is his reply, "Oh, it's okay teacher. I've been stabbing myself with my pencil for the last few months to build up a lead tolerance. I'll be fine." Seriously?!
And just when you think it can't get any better, here's another one. Yes, this is the same student.
After being gone in the bathroom for a long time, the teacher goes looking for the student. She can hear him before she finds him, because he is singing in the boys bathroom. So she goes in (yes, into the boys bathroom) to tell him to finish up and get out, and sees that all his clothes, including his moon boots, Napoleon Dynamite style, are on the ground. That's right, he's totally in the buff, singing, while he's been doing his business. For over twenty minutes. After he got dressed and came out, the teacher asked him why all of his clothes were on the ground. His reply? "I had to take them off, because I was getting all sweaty from complications."
Honestly, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. At least I'll have more good stories to share in the year to come!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Hayley: "You bet I am!"
Hayley: "I love Daddy, but I don't love his face."
Me: "What? That's not a nice thing to say."
Hayley: "Well, I don't love his face. I don't love his scruffies."
She's not too hip on the goatee, I guess.
"You gave me a fright!" (She got this one from Grandma Heidi.)
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but..." (Jeremy actually taught her to say this one.)
"That's not appropriate."
The other day, Grandpa Dame was teasing her and trying to get her to give him a kiss. To which she replied, "No! Stay!" Just as clarification, we don't own a dog.
"Look, Mom! This is my tallest finger!" (Jeremy swears he didn't teach her this one. Anyone else want to fess up? I have her convinced now that if she only puts one finger up, it will get lonely, so she now says, "This is my tallest finger and his friend!" Slightly better.)
This one is a little old, but I don't want to forget it. I say "All set!" a lot. Hayley caught onto it, which would have been fine, except that when she said it it totally sounded like "Oh, sh*t!" It sounds a little better now, but it was pretty funny before she could say all the sounds correctly.
Jeremy does the "How old are you?" quiz with Hayley a lot. I was surprised when I asked her the other day, and she replied "Three-and-a-half" not "Three." Then I realized it was true, she is almost three-and-a-half, and it made me kind of sad. My baby is growing up!
Friday, June 5, 2009
Monday was her first day. Because I work the "normal" schedule out of dear hubby and I, he was the one to drop her off, and then my mom picked her up. I called my mom to get the full report, and she said that Hayley's teacher said, "She was fantastic!" This made me a very happy mom and I quickly texted this to Jeremy:
"Just talked to my mom, and Hayley's preschool teacher said she was fantastic!"
"Except for the kicking and screaming fit that she threw for ten minutes before I could sneak out!"
Whoops. Guess the teacher "forgot" about that. Hayley did tell me that she had fun and she does know the letter R now, so the day wasn't a total wash. Too bad no preschool prize for Monday! And man, was she bummed.
Wednesday was a lot better. She gave my mom a hug and walked right in the door with no drama. Made for a happy kid who played with her new princess dolly for almost an hour. Which made for a happy mom who got to take a little nap on the couch!
Oh, yeah. And concerning my last post, after five needle sticks on Thursday, turns out I'm negative for gestational diabetes. And my iron is back to normal. Chalk it up to the pregnant lady overreacting. (That'd be me.)
Monday, June 1, 2009
While it makes me a little nervous to give birth to another baby that's not fully cooked (Hayley was born at 37 weeks 1 day, and she was just fine), I'm also okay with not having my most pregnant weeks coincide with the possibly hottest weeks of the year.
Now just pray for no bedrest before then. I love how they tell me every appointment to "Take it easy." Makes me want to reply with "Take my three-year-old for a few hours." Not that I don't love her, but she is three...
Anyway, woohoo for just two months (and a few days) to go!